The Mandrake [Published Private Life]

Note: I would like to dedicate this posting for my first son, Pascal after his 5th birthday.

Pascal, if you ever read this, you must’ve been grown up because you need to learn English, which is a foreign language in our country. By then, I am sure you are mature to learn things around you.

I just want you to know, Pascal, that I would like you to remember why I scolded you when you did something bad. I’d like you to remember why I pinched you on your legs when you disobeyed me.

I did it all because I love you. I want you to be a better man. The best man this world could ever have. If any of those days stuck in your mind, please bear only the good times.

I’m so happy when you come to me just to say, “Pa”. I’m so happy when you whine asking me to take you to the school on my bike on the way to my office. I was so happy when there were 2 of us went to Dufan, we were like buddies.

So, Pascal. By the time you can read this, I would probably be 40s or 50s. I should become a wise man by then. Then, I would also expect you to be the best son I could ever have. If I ever fail in educating you, please know this, I would never stop loving and caring for you. But, I’m sure you won’t fail me.

Should I not be there when you read this, please have a look at the albums that we have. Look at how I carried you in my arms when you’re still a baby. Look at how I hold you in my arms when we’re in Dufan. Look at how we’re so close back then.

There’s so many things I want to say here, but space won’t allow. Just so you know, I love you, my son. Happy 5th birthday for now

Yesterday I went to a doctor. There was something wrong on the tip of my finger skin. Some time ago, there was wound on the skin. I was not sure how it got there, whether I was bitten by some insect or some snake.

However, when I suspect that it didn’t get any better, I decided to go to the doctor. Having a complete diagnosis on my finger, she suggested me to go through laser shot. I thought, oh well, why not.

She warned me, though, that the should could cause pain. Well, no pain no gain, right? So, I said okay. Then she injected me anaestetic or something. I actually felt the needle like penetrate through the skin and to the bone. Excruciating pain filled me like rushing stream to the head. Seconds later, I felt my finger numb. When she injected me another shot, I didn’t feel a thing. Thank God it was over.

Over? Barely yet. So she and the nurse prepare a device what look like machine gun you see on TVs. It was black and glossy like plastic. There was a label on the ‘gun’, it says ‘CO₂ Laser’. Whoa, cool! I thought.

So, she hold press my finger and aimed the ‘gun’ to my finger. I didn’t see any ray or light or what sort of indication that the device was operated. Then, there was burnt mark on my finger. Smoke came out from the burn mark. Whoa! My finger was being operated on laser! The laser actually burnt my finger. Thank God I was on anaesthetic. She continued to operate me for minutes.

Was it over? Hold on, there’s more. Having burnt some spots on my finger, she had this scissors to have the burnt marks removed. Each and every burnt mark removed and blood spilled out of it.

My first (little) operation! My heart jumped (in excitement). I actually saw laser being operated. And it operated nowhere nearer than my part of body. My own very finger!

Then, the operation was over. I had my finger bandaged, then went home.

This morning, when I had to change the bandage, I saw my cultivated fingers. I saw red meat under my skin. Whoa! How God works in wonder way. But, the doctor said that it would recover in a week. So, let’s see in a week how it comes out.

Shot by laser. Can you imagine that? Had anyone (been lucky and) been through like I have?

Today, I was called by supervisor discussing my tardiness. That wasn’t the first time I got the courtesy. And, apparently, my supervisor was fed up with the report from the management of the office about my punctuality.

Though, I have proven myself that I’m now changed. There hasn’t been -well, once in a while, still- no lateness for the past two months. And today, I was to give opinion on my contract. I said nothing. It seemed that he had already something in mind and that I was given only one year of extension.

Despite all the hard work I’ve been through, despite all those time I have spent to finish the work, even when the office hours are over, it seemed to be not compensated.

Have I been working for the wrong organisation? Or, am I having wrong supervisor? If all that matter is mere punctuality, why would I want to spend overtime at the office? Geez, I may want to move to private sectors where hard work counts. They even pay bonus for all the good work done.

Sorry for being grumpy, but I bet you’ll feel the same way too, had you been in my shoes.

Previous post: Yeah, I bet you want to know my confession, huh? Well, there is a secret hidden message in this post. If you can read it, I will delete this post, because this is a true story.

Sorry guys, I have decided to withdraw the secret hidden message. I just can bear the consequences of posting the message. To those who have successfully decipher the message, please keep it to yourself, I’m begging of you.

There’s a new thing going in my workdays lately since the arrival of the new DIR of our bureau. From the first meeting he’s said that I will be assigned to tasks beyond what I have on my plate right now.

He said that I should attend to more substantive meetings. Whoa, I mean. I’ve never been to those meetings where I should take notes and report it to my supervisors. I’m kind of happy with the way it is now. I work from 830 to 1630hrs so that I can go home early and meet precious ones. But with this thing going, can I see myself at home at 6PM?

I mean, this new DIR, on the second meeting today, already assigned me to write a report and had to be given to him in 24 hours. Woohoo. What should I write? There’s no problem. It shouldn’t be. I mean, if I were assigned to a task then I’d be glad to accomplish it. But, what if it’s beyond my areas of expertise? At a glance, he also mentioned that probably I would also assigned to Culture tasks.

Is this a good sign? I wonder. Maybe it is, if it comes with better payment. Hahaha… Oh well, may be we’ll see in the future what it will be like. I mean, what harm could it do?

Have you ever been in a day where there were voices in your head? Well, I am now living those days. And I really don’t feel comfortable with it. You know, I’m now in the lowest ground of my life. I really need things to change around here. I’m a Gemini, and they said that Geminis are radical person, they really need things to change.

So, does working behind the desk is really me? Well, it is. It should be. I mean, I have family counting on me on feeding them. I just need a new workplace. A place where I can be what I am. I am the expert in Information Technology. Sorry to boast myself. But, I’ve been in IT underground world for 7 years! I have my Master degree in Information Technology Management. What more would it take to be more than I am now? Am I not entitled to be an IT Manager in some company? Oh well, may be not. At least, I can start off by being an IT Head? C’mon now.

Anyway, in this gloomy feeling, I repeatedly listen to this song at work the whole day! Guess the title? It’s got nothing to do with depression nor cheering me up. It’s Mr. Brightside by The Killers. The lyric doesn’t help me, if you must now. But, I kind of turn the volume up full blast! So that voices won’t bother me. It helps a little. And when the song goes, “.. I’ve neveeeer… I’ve nevaaaaa..” Woohoo, the pain reliefs a little. Thank you, er.. The Killers ;D Hahaha..